[ The touch is gentle enough to not disturb Toji from his sleep, but enough draw out a pleased sound from his throat. His hold tightens on Choso.
He is, in fact, dreaming of his deceased wife. She haunted his dreams on occasion, and even if he tried to forget her in his wakefulness, he allowed himself to be happy once more in his dreams.
He's not speaking to Choso, but the phrase is clear as day: ]
... I love you, so much.
[ oh so this man is capable of love. It sounds so foreign, these words coming from his voice, but they sound certain as can be. ]
[ definitely not meant for Choso. guilt bubbles up like a fissure, but it isn't big enough to still his hand. it isn't enough to make him stop. the hold keeping him pinned, the thud of the heart in Toji's chest, none of it is enough to dissuade him, and he cannot help but wonder if that doesn't make him all the more monstrous for it.
slowly, he strokes Toji's cock, fingers so gentle in how they curl and slide along hot skin, spreading pre in languid swipes. the words weren't meant for him, but like an unsuspecting thief, Choso cannot help but to grasp these stolen warm words. ]
[ Toji's breath easily becomes a bit ragged the more that he is touched, and even if his eyes are closed, there's an uptick of a smile on his face. Another pleased noise rumbles from him, his cock twitching a few times in the hold that has him.
Choso should know he's already getting closer to his peak; the way his body reacts on its own nature. He's done this enough at this point to know the signs and what to do to finish him. ]
[ he cannot help but to watch. his hand already knows what to do, fingers following familiar patterns, stroking to a familiar beat, squeezing slowly in what has become a familiar routine. it's nothing different from before, isn't it? this isn't anything strange, is it?
but this time, ah, this time Toji isn't present to snap at him, to bark and snarl and bare his predator's teeth. this time, Toji is quiet and peaceful, walking the sunlit path of memory and dream, somewhere far from here. this time, it is only Choso present, playing Toji's body like a fine-tuned instrument.
he knows he ought to feel something about this, but the sound of Toji's pleasure rumbling through his chest, the heft of his cock in Choso's hand, it makes it so easy to put those thoughts aside, if just for now. so he finishes what he started; palm slick with pre, he pumps Toji's cock slow but firm, milking him of his pleasure with practiced motions of his wrist. ]
[ While Choso's body acts seamlessly, so does Toji's, and with his brain still in a mostly dreaming state, he can't really hold back or control when he releases right into Choso's hand. His body quakes and throbs, and this is enough to rouse him from his sleep, his eyes cracking open and meeting Choso's. He still looks pretty peaceful, at least, but it only lasts for a second. ]
[ this really shouldn’t be a surprise, but when Toji’s heartbeat shifts and his eyes crack open, Choso still feels a little spike in his own pulse, a little jump of alarm.
indeed, what the hell are you doing, Choso? ]
Taking care of things.
[ it’s about then that he drags his hand up the length of the shaft, as if coaxing the rest of Toji’s seed out. ]
[ and those final strokes draw a more rough sound out of him. He makes some distance between them both and grabs Choso on the face, his palm covering his mouth and fingers pressing into his cheeks. ]
Didn't anyone ever teach you to ask? I didn't say you could do that. That's pretty bold of you.
[ Toji studies him for a moment, and slowly lets him go. He does feel pretty relaxed anyway. ]
[ he shouldn’t press his luck, he really shouldn’t, but as Toji’s big hand slowly pulls away, Choso cannot destroy the urge that makes him press lips to palm. a quick and fleeting thing. ]
That’s good. I’m not sure what came over me.
[ he has no name for the hunger that writhes in him, for the ache in his teeth, for the way Toji makes it all rear up terrible and burning each time without fail. he does not know what to call it when he rises up on his knees only to crawl down the length of the bed, glancing over his shoulder as he goes as if looking for any sign of denial, any sign that he ought to stop. ]
[ lust, is that what it’s called? it’s selfish to be certain, as self-centred as hunger, as thirst, as an overwhelming itch. Choso turns the word over and over in his mind as he lifts his hand up, considering the mess between his fingers while he slots the term into place.
lust, desire, want, hunger, need. what really was the difference between them, where Toji was involved? ]
Itadakimasu.
[ wondering in circles wouldn’t get him anywhere, so Choso starts by licking his palm clean in broad strokes. then his fingers, around the knuckles, in the creases, suckling at the tips as if Toji’s cum were only a most decadent glaze. it’s almost obscenely loud when he swallows, thick and heavy.
and to think, it’s only the appetizer.
only a breath later, Choso hooks his thumbs into Toji’s underwear, pushing the band down to shuck the whole thing off, as unabashed as any professional worth their salt. he wastes no time in simply bowing low, elbows braced on the mattress as he takes the entirety of Toji’s soft length into his mouth. ]
[ As Choso contemplates all of this, Toji lulls his head to a shoulder, observing him. It seems as though Toji has struck some kind of thought, and for whatever reason, he is curious to know what Choso is thinking about. He watches as Choso laps his own fingers, then Toji gazes down the length of his body as he does a pretty good job cleaning up the mess he has made. Since his wife was just in his dream, he is reminded of when he and she would start the morning off with gentle sex. Choso and Toji.. they have been pretty gentle lately, haven't they? ]
[ gentleness, a thing unexpected from someone forged in violence as Toji was, from something as unnatural as Choso. these last few times they had spent time together had gotten closer and closer to such a thing; touches that did not bruise, kisses without teeth, passion without fury. what to make of such a thing?
only because Toji makes his demand does Choso keep his work short and to the point. cheeks hollow out as he sucks, tongue working diligently to lap up every drop he can find. he finishes with one last lick at the inside of Toji's thigh before he looks up, half-lidded eyes lazy as ever in the morning light, a faint flush of colour high up in his cheeks. ]
Un. What do you want?
[ said as he crawls back up the length of Toji's body, blinking idly down at him. ]
[ It's a sight that Toji has seen a handful of times already, but he finds it doesn't exactly get old; seeing that flush in otherwise pale skin, that self indulgent look in his eyes. Toji beckons him like a dog, patting his hand on one of his own pecs to invite him to rest his head there. ]
You seemed scared last night. What sorts of other feelings and emotions do curses like you have?
[ He knows from an academic point, but also Choso was part human, correct? How much of him was curse and how much of him was human? ]
[ whether its like a dog or like a person, Choso responds the same anyway; he crawls on up to Toji’s side where he settles down, limbs all tucked under him, chin on Toji’s pec with a whuff of a sigh that sounds suspiciously content.
indeed, what sorts of feelings and the like does he feel? too many, sometimes. ]
By my understanding, my brothers and I hold strong similarity to human emotion, but I do not claim knowledge of what a human may feel. Are your feelings stronger than ours, or lesser? Do your emotions cut as deep, or shallowly?
[ his head tips, cheek and ear smushed against solid flesh. Toji’s heart keeps a strong and perfect beat. ]
Last night I dreamed of Castle Bran, and I was afraid.
[ Toji hasn't quite noticed it, but this is really the first time he's been genuinely curious to learn more about Choso; how he feels about things, his origin and things like that. This is the first he's heard of Choso having brothers as well. He wonders if Choso dislikes his family as much as Toji dislikes his.
He makes a curious hum. ]
So you came to me for protection? What makes you think I would protect you?
[ He doesn't know what Castle Bran is but he doesn't really care to ask about that part. ]
[ it’s warm, lying here with Toji. with the coming of the morning and the light filtering through the window, the terrors of last night have well and fled, but Choso can still muster up some scraps of that fear still lingering behind his ribs. ]
You are powerful. It was less about being protected and more knowing that no kaiju could get defeat you if it tried.
[ Another contemplative thought. It's hard to know what he's thinking about or what that noise means, but Toji shifts out from under Choso despite him being in a comfortable position and he rolls over on him, pushing himself up in his forearms and looking down at Choso. ]
I think you are affectionate for me and you don't understand what to do about it.
[ ah, rude. being so at ease, Choso just sort of plops onto the sheets, but when he turns his blinking gaze upward there is only that sleepy peace to be found in him.
what a good view, this. ]
Is that what this is? But you're right: I don't.
[ a hand lifts up, thumb tracing the trajectory of the scar on Toji's mouth. ]
[ Did Toji feel the same way? Probably not. But he felt some sort of way in regards to Choso that he also couldn't quite figure out, but unlike Choso, he found himself not really caring about chasing whatever it was.
Still. He could maybe selfishly have a little taste. After all, it had been far too long since he indulged in something so tender. ]
You're an idiot. You're also a weak curse to fall so easily for someone like me. Someone who doesn't deserve any kind of love.
[ He doesn't sound hurt or cold when he says this. In fact, he seems smug; almost proud that he has never been loved before other than by his first wife. His hand lifts, pressing over Choso's that is toying with his scar. ]
What you do with those emotions is you throw them away. They're no good, not even for a wretched thing like you.
[ he thinks they should sting, these words, thinks they should be tearing him asunder, but all Choso hears in them is truth.
he is weak, he is wretched, too much a curse to fit in with humanity and too much a human to sink into the mire of a cursed life. every brother but one gone, and the one remaining a fractured and wounded wreck of a boy. ]
Then I must be fundamentally broken.
[ and he sounds so plain about it, as flatly certain as reciting that the sky is blue, the ocean is salty, and his blood is toxic. ]
For all I want is to keep them, even if they never grow beyond what they are now. They’re mine, after all; I grew them myself.
[ His cocky smile fades when Choso says that. What was Choso hanging onto so desperately? Why were the emotions he was feeling so important to him? ]
Aa. You're dumber than I thought.
[ He removes his hand from on top of Choso's and dips down so kiss him; something oddly sweet and gentle, especially considering how aggressive he's been in the past. He pulls back, holding Choso at the chin and looking into his eyes, his own halfway open but his gaze still as sharp. ]
You and I will never be anything, so you are wasting those precious feelings you have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He is, in fact, dreaming of his deceased wife. She haunted his dreams on occasion, and even if he tried to forget her in his wakefulness, he allowed himself to be happy once more in his dreams.
He's not speaking to Choso, but the phrase is clear as day: ]
... I love you, so much.
[ oh so this man is capable of love. It sounds so foreign, these words coming from his voice, but they sound certain as can be. ]
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slowly, he strokes Toji's cock, fingers so gentle in how they curl and slide along hot skin, spreading pre in languid swipes. the words weren't meant for him, but like an unsuspecting thief, Choso cannot help but to grasp these stolen warm words. ]
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Choso should know he's already getting closer to his peak; the way his body reacts on its own nature. He's done this enough at this point to know the signs and what to do to finish him. ]
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but this time, ah, this time Toji isn't present to snap at him, to bark and snarl and bare his predator's teeth. this time, Toji is quiet and peaceful, walking the sunlit path of memory and dream, somewhere far from here. this time, it is only Choso present, playing Toji's body like a fine-tuned instrument.
he knows he ought to feel something about this, but the sound of Toji's pleasure rumbling through his chest, the heft of his cock in Choso's hand, it makes it so easy to put those thoughts aside, if just for now. so he finishes what he started; palm slick with pre, he pumps Toji's cock slow but firm, milking him of his pleasure with practiced motions of his wrist. ]
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Fuck..
[ and then: ]
What the hell are you doing?
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indeed, what the hell are you doing, Choso? ]
Taking care of things.
[ it’s about then that he drags his hand up the length of the shaft, as if coaxing the rest of Toji’s seed out. ]
It seemed to want attention.
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Didn't anyone ever teach you to ask? I didn't say you could do that. That's pretty bold of you.
[ Toji studies him for a moment, and slowly lets him go. He does feel pretty relaxed anyway. ]
You're lucky I don't care. It's fine.
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That’s good. I’m not sure what came over me.
[ he has no name for the hunger that writhes in him, for the ache in his teeth, for the way Toji makes it all rear up terrible and burning each time without fail. he does not know what to call it when he rises up on his knees only to crawl down the length of the bed, glancing over his shoulder as he goes as if looking for any sign of denial, any sign that he ought to stop. ]
But I’m hungry, now. Will you let me eat?
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Your selfish lust did. Learn some restraint.
[ Toji makes a face, mostly cause he can feel all of his cum all over his flaccid cock and undergarments. What a mess. ]
Go ahead. Consume the mess you made, starting with your hand that you can't keep to yourself.
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lust, desire, want, hunger, need. what really was the difference between them, where Toji was involved? ]
Itadakimasu.
[ wondering in circles wouldn’t get him anywhere, so Choso starts by licking his palm clean in broad strokes. then his fingers, around the knuckles, in the creases, suckling at the tips as if Toji’s cum were only a most decadent glaze. it’s almost obscenely loud when he swallows, thick and heavy.
and to think, it’s only the appetizer.
only a breath later, Choso hooks his thumbs into Toji’s underwear, pushing the band down to shuck the whole thing off, as unabashed as any professional worth their salt. he wastes no time in simply bowing low, elbows braced on the mattress as he takes the entirety of Toji’s soft length into his mouth. ]
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When you're done, I want your attention.
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only because Toji makes his demand does Choso keep his work short and to the point. cheeks hollow out as he sucks, tongue working diligently to lap up every drop he can find. he finishes with one last lick at the inside of Toji's thigh before he looks up, half-lidded eyes lazy as ever in the morning light, a faint flush of colour high up in his cheeks. ]
Un. What do you want?
[ said as he crawls back up the length of Toji's body, blinking idly down at him. ]
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You seemed scared last night. What sorts of other feelings and emotions do curses like you have?
[ He knows from an academic point, but also Choso was part human, correct? How much of him was curse and how much of him was human? ]
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indeed, what sorts of feelings and the like does he feel? too many, sometimes. ]
By my understanding, my brothers and I hold strong similarity to human emotion, but I do not claim knowledge of what a human may feel. Are your feelings stronger than ours, or lesser? Do your emotions cut as deep, or shallowly?
[ his head tips, cheek and ear smushed against solid flesh. Toji’s heart keeps a strong and perfect beat. ]
Last night I dreamed of Castle Bran, and I was afraid.
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He makes a curious hum. ]
So you came to me for protection? What makes you think I would protect you?
[ He doesn't know what Castle Bran is but he doesn't really care to ask about that part. ]
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You are powerful. It was less about being protected and more knowing that no kaiju could get defeat you if it tried.
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How do you feel when you're with me?
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Good. Secure. Like if I am to die this time, I know it will only be by your hand or none at all.
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And you're okay with that?
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[ to be truthful. what a strange guy, this curse of a man. ]
I don’t want to die before Yuji, but if I had to… I don’t mind it being by you.
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[ Another contemplative thought. It's hard to know what he's thinking about or what that noise means, but Toji shifts out from under Choso despite him being in a comfortable position and he rolls over on him, pushing himself up in his forearms and looking down at Choso. ]
I think you are affectionate for me and you don't understand what to do about it.
[ There's a crooked smile, teasing. ]
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what a good view, this. ]
Is that what this is? But you're right: I don't.
[ a hand lifts up, thumb tracing the trajectory of the scar on Toji's mouth. ]
All I know is I want what I see.
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Still. He could maybe selfishly have a little taste. After all, it had been far too long since he indulged in something so tender. ]
You're an idiot. You're also a weak curse to fall so easily for someone like me. Someone who doesn't deserve any kind of love.
[ He doesn't sound hurt or cold when he says this. In fact, he seems smug; almost proud that he has never been loved before other than by his first wife. His hand lifts, pressing over Choso's that is toying with his scar. ]
What you do with those emotions is you throw them away. They're no good, not even for a wretched thing like you.
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he is weak, he is wretched, too much a curse to fit in with humanity and too much a human to sink into the mire of a cursed life. every brother but one gone, and the one remaining a fractured and wounded wreck of a boy. ]
Then I must be fundamentally broken.
[ and he sounds so plain about it, as flatly certain as reciting that the sky is blue, the ocean is salty, and his blood is toxic. ]
For all I want is to keep them, even if they never grow beyond what they are now. They’re mine, after all; I grew them myself.
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Aa. You're dumber than I thought.
[ He removes his hand from on top of Choso's and dips down so kiss him; something oddly sweet and gentle, especially considering how aggressive he's been in the past. He pulls back, holding Choso at the chin and looking into his eyes, his own halfway open but his gaze still as sharp. ]
You and I will never be anything, so you are wasting those precious feelings you have.
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