[ the sudden movement has Choso kind of lifting a bit where his forehead had stuck to the skin of Toji’s side, only to plop him back down to the sheets in a slow slide toward the dent where the man had laid only seconds ago. oof. ]
I don’t want to. I want to stay here.
[ ah, how petulant, how pitiful. he’d hate hearing it from himself, but he finds he can’t care about it, same as how he can’t bring himself to lift his head. ]
[ This is so strange. Their whole relationship this far, for the most part, has been enjoyable in the sense of their bantering and fighting. It's a relationship based in violence. Violence and sex. That's it. Was this Choso's way of soliciting sex again? Or something? Otherwise, it seemed like maybe Choso wanted to be with him-- just to be with him. Like he found some kind of security in him.
But there's no way. Right? ]
Let me guess. You want to have sex, right? That's why you're here? I'm not in the mood. I'm in the mood to sleep, which is what I was doing before you came in here.
[ that’s new. it is the very basis of their relationship, this trade of carnal desires, but here in Toji’s bed with the faint barred shadows from the window stretching across the room, Choso wants no such thing. ]
I just want to stay here. Right here. You can sleep if you want. I just want to stay.
[ Something about this seems kind of familiar in some way, but Toji can't exactly put his finger on what memory it reminds him of; not right away, at least, but the emotion it provokes is not what he expected. He scoffs, picking up the tousled duvet and pulling it back up on the bed. Almost naturally, without thinking, he reaches over to ensure the blanket covers Choso. ]
You're impossible.
[You're impossible. That's what he would say to Megumi in the middle of the night when he had a bad dream and Toji, with his lack of parental skills and knowledge, did not know how to soothe him even after he put him into the bed with him. That's it. That's the memory he suddenly remembers. Damn it. He thought he had forgotten all of those wretched things.
[ expecting another rebuff, it comes as more of a surprise when the blanket settles over him too. perhaps it’s for the best that his face is mostly hidden by hair and the dark; Toji doesn’t have to see how his face crumples up, eyes clenched shut as his shoulders hike up high around his ears.
he smells like fear, Choso does. ]
Un. I am.
[ he’s shit at lying, so he doesn’t bother trying. ]
[ yeah kind of, Toji. In any case, there's a prolonged silence, and then Toji hits back against the bed with a thud, followed by a groan. Looks like he's allowing this? Huh. ]
Don't use all the blankets either or I'll kill you.
[ He turns on his side again, but this time with his back facing the curse. Look at that big, cozy back. Those muscles. Wouldn't it feel nice to snuggle up against that? ]
it takes a moment, a few long heartbeats before Choso moves again. he unfurls slowly, stretching out so he may better tuck into the warm space at Toji’s back. a cool forehead presses against the dip of his spine, arms curled between them until one hand creeps up daringly, bold in how fingers splay across Toji’s ribs before curling, blunted nails on skin.
into the dark, muffled by blanket and skin and the warmth of safety, Choso murmurs: ]
Thank you.
[ -before he smushes his face back into his little den of blanket and sheet. ]
[ It's annoying, not really knowing how to handle a situation like this. It forces Toji to evaluate his situation with Choso; evaluate how he feels about all of this and he doesn't like to do that.
The palm splayed over his ribs breaks his silence. When was the last time he just.. laid in bed with someone? Without anything sexual going on? Why did Choso pick him to seek comfort in? Toji thinks he's the least comforting creature on the planet. But.. it's somehow nice, having simple company like this. ]
[ of all the things to know shame over, his retreat into Toji’s shadow isn’t one of them. so when it comes to answering, it isn’t half as hard as it could be, not with the broad warmth of Toji’s back blotting out the world. ]
Nn. ‘S the safest place.
[ with yuji being a social butterfly and already struggling with all his friends’ scrambled memories, the last Choso wants to do is add to his burdens with such paltry things as nightmares and hang-ups about traumatic events.
here, there is only Toji, and the simple understanding that nothing will come without having to pass through him first. ]
[ Spoken, but with hardly any threat this time. Something else strange happens, though. After a brief moment, Toji shifts his palm over Choso's hand that is along his body, loosely intertwining their fingers. ]
[ later, Choso will look back on this moment with a strange wonder. later, he will flex his fingers and recall it with all the warmth of a fair memory. later.
but for now, he is simply grateful, and with a shuddering breath he lets himself relax, the tension in his body releasing in slow aching stages.
[ Luckily for them both, nothing comes in the middle of the night for either of them, and it seems like they both get some restful sleep.
In the morning, however, Toji is a rather late sleeper, and he's tossed and turned a little bit in his rest. That's the excuse he will use, however, considering he is now facing Choso with his arm slung over him, holding the other man rather close against his chest and under his chin.
It's hard to know if it was intentional or not, but the sunlight creeping in the cracked windows don't seem to wake him. He probably needed this much sleep for whatever reason. ]
[ it is the most restful sleep that Choso has gotten since they arrived at Windsor, so much so that he doesn't realize how deeply he had really slept until he awakens in slow increments to... a wall of flesh.
ah, no. it's just Toji, and Toji's thick arms, and Toji's really thick chest. it takes Choso a long and luxurious minute to realize it, and when it does spark recognition, he really doesn't try too hard to get free. in fact, it's a rather lovely place to be. in fact, once he's assessed everything and had a moment to appreciate the play of early morning light on Toji's skin, Choso treats himself by sort of. squishing his face right there into the cleavage. just right there.
[ Toji is dreaming, dreaming so deep and so vivid, it doesn't occur to him that he is grappling onto Choso of all people. When Choso moves a little closer, he exhaled deeply through his nose, still seemingly snoozing away.
He mumbles, but Choso should be able to hear him just fine. ]
My darling... nnn...
[ His chest may be soft, but he's having a really good dream, so.. Choso probably feels something under the covers that is definitely not soft. ]
[ it isn't hard to figure that this must be some form of sleep-talking, that there must be some sort of dream or memory playing in the theatre of Toji's psyche to prompt these warm rumbles. it isn't hard to figure out that whoever Toji is talking to, it isn't Choso.
but here in big warm arms, with that unmistakable hard-on below, Choso finds that he can't quite care as much as he ought to. was it not dream or memory that brought him here to Toji's bed in the first place? the least he could do is... what? help out?
so it is that a careful hand drifts down low, sliding between their bodies beneath the covers to curl gently around Toji's shaft like a caress. ]
[ The touch is gentle enough to not disturb Toji from his sleep, but enough draw out a pleased sound from his throat. His hold tightens on Choso.
He is, in fact, dreaming of his deceased wife. She haunted his dreams on occasion, and even if he tried to forget her in his wakefulness, he allowed himself to be happy once more in his dreams.
He's not speaking to Choso, but the phrase is clear as day: ]
... I love you, so much.
[ oh so this man is capable of love. It sounds so foreign, these words coming from his voice, but they sound certain as can be. ]
[ definitely not meant for Choso. guilt bubbles up like a fissure, but it isn't big enough to still his hand. it isn't enough to make him stop. the hold keeping him pinned, the thud of the heart in Toji's chest, none of it is enough to dissuade him, and he cannot help but wonder if that doesn't make him all the more monstrous for it.
slowly, he strokes Toji's cock, fingers so gentle in how they curl and slide along hot skin, spreading pre in languid swipes. the words weren't meant for him, but like an unsuspecting thief, Choso cannot help but to grasp these stolen warm words. ]
[ Toji's breath easily becomes a bit ragged the more that he is touched, and even if his eyes are closed, there's an uptick of a smile on his face. Another pleased noise rumbles from him, his cock twitching a few times in the hold that has him.
Choso should know he's already getting closer to his peak; the way his body reacts on its own nature. He's done this enough at this point to know the signs and what to do to finish him. ]
[ he cannot help but to watch. his hand already knows what to do, fingers following familiar patterns, stroking to a familiar beat, squeezing slowly in what has become a familiar routine. it's nothing different from before, isn't it? this isn't anything strange, is it?
but this time, ah, this time Toji isn't present to snap at him, to bark and snarl and bare his predator's teeth. this time, Toji is quiet and peaceful, walking the sunlit path of memory and dream, somewhere far from here. this time, it is only Choso present, playing Toji's body like a fine-tuned instrument.
he knows he ought to feel something about this, but the sound of Toji's pleasure rumbling through his chest, the heft of his cock in Choso's hand, it makes it so easy to put those thoughts aside, if just for now. so he finishes what he started; palm slick with pre, he pumps Toji's cock slow but firm, milking him of his pleasure with practiced motions of his wrist. ]
[ While Choso's body acts seamlessly, so does Toji's, and with his brain still in a mostly dreaming state, he can't really hold back or control when he releases right into Choso's hand. His body quakes and throbs, and this is enough to rouse him from his sleep, his eyes cracking open and meeting Choso's. He still looks pretty peaceful, at least, but it only lasts for a second. ]
[ this really shouldn’t be a surprise, but when Toji’s heartbeat shifts and his eyes crack open, Choso still feels a little spike in his own pulse, a little jump of alarm.
indeed, what the hell are you doing, Choso? ]
Taking care of things.
[ it’s about then that he drags his hand up the length of the shaft, as if coaxing the rest of Toji’s seed out. ]
[ and those final strokes draw a more rough sound out of him. He makes some distance between them both and grabs Choso on the face, his palm covering his mouth and fingers pressing into his cheeks. ]
Didn't anyone ever teach you to ask? I didn't say you could do that. That's pretty bold of you.
[ Toji studies him for a moment, and slowly lets him go. He does feel pretty relaxed anyway. ]
[ he shouldn’t press his luck, he really shouldn’t, but as Toji’s big hand slowly pulls away, Choso cannot destroy the urge that makes him press lips to palm. a quick and fleeting thing. ]
That’s good. I’m not sure what came over me.
[ he has no name for the hunger that writhes in him, for the ache in his teeth, for the way Toji makes it all rear up terrible and burning each time without fail. he does not know what to call it when he rises up on his knees only to crawl down the length of the bed, glancing over his shoulder as he goes as if looking for any sign of denial, any sign that he ought to stop. ]
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I don’t want to. I want to stay here.
[ ah, how petulant, how pitiful. he’d hate hearing it from himself, but he finds he can’t care about it, same as how he can’t bring himself to lift his head. ]
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But there's no way. Right? ]
Let me guess. You want to have sex, right? That's why you're here? I'm not in the mood. I'm in the mood to sleep, which is what I was doing before you came in here.
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[ that’s new. it is the very basis of their relationship, this trade of carnal desires, but here in Toji’s bed with the faint barred shadows from the window stretching across the room, Choso wants no such thing. ]
I just want to stay here. Right here. You can sleep if you want. I just want to stay.
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You're impossible.
[ You're impossible. That's what he would say to Megumi in the middle of the night when he had a bad dream and Toji, with his lack of parental skills and knowledge, did not know how to soothe him even after he put him into the bed with him. That's it. That's the memory he suddenly remembers. Damn it. He thought he had forgotten all of those wretched things.
Was something making Choso nervous, then? ]
What? You scared?
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he smells like fear, Choso does. ]
Un. I am.
[ he’s shit at lying, so he doesn’t bother trying. ]
It was a very bad dream, that is all.
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[ yeah kind of, Toji. In any case, there's a prolonged silence, and then Toji hits back against the bed with a thud, followed by a groan. Looks like he's allowing this? Huh. ]
Don't use all the blankets either or I'll kill you.
[ He turns on his side again, but this time with his back facing the curse. Look at that big, cozy back. Those muscles. Wouldn't it feel nice to snuggle up against that? ]
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[ quiet, and yet… relieved.
it takes a moment, a few long heartbeats before Choso moves again. he unfurls slowly, stretching out so he may better tuck into the warm space at Toji’s back. a cool forehead presses against the dip of his spine, arms curled between them until one hand creeps up daringly, bold in how fingers splay across Toji’s ribs before curling, blunted nails on skin.
into the dark, muffled by blanket and skin and the warmth of safety, Choso murmurs: ]
Thank you.
[ -before he smushes his face back into his little den of blanket and sheet. ]
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The palm splayed over his ribs breaks his silence. When was the last time he just.. laid in bed with someone? Without anything sexual going on? Why did Choso pick him to seek comfort in? Toji thinks he's the least comforting creature on the planet. But.. it's somehow nice, having simple company like this. ]
You're needier than I thought you would ever be.
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Nn. ‘S the safest place.
[ with yuji being a social butterfly and already struggling with all his friends’ scrambled memories, the last Choso wants to do is add to his burdens with such paltry things as nightmares and hang-ups about traumatic events.
here, there is only Toji, and the simple understanding that nothing will come without having to pass through him first. ]
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[ Spoken, but with hardly any threat this time. Something else strange happens, though. After a brief moment, Toji shifts his palm over Choso's hand that is along his body, loosely intertwining their fingers. ]
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[ later, Choso will look back on this moment with a strange wonder. later, he will flex his fingers and recall it with all the warmth of a fair memory. later.
but for now, he is simply grateful, and with a shuddering breath he lets himself relax, the tension in his body releasing in slow aching stages.
safe. it is safe here, at the demon’s back. ]
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In the morning, however, Toji is a rather late sleeper, and he's tossed and turned a little bit in his rest. That's the excuse he will use, however, considering he is now facing Choso with his arm slung over him, holding the other man rather close against his chest and under his chin.
It's hard to know if it was intentional or not, but the sunlight creeping in the cracked windows don't seem to wake him. He probably needed this much sleep for whatever reason. ]
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ah, no. it's just Toji, and Toji's thick arms, and Toji's really thick chest. it takes Choso a long and luxurious minute to realize it, and when it does spark recognition, he really doesn't try too hard to get free. in fact, it's a rather lovely place to be. in fact, once he's assessed everything and had a moment to appreciate the play of early morning light on Toji's skin, Choso treats himself by sort of. squishing his face right there into the cleavage. just right there.
ah.
who knew it could be so soft in here? ]
sorry it's 🔞
He mumbles, but Choso should be able to hear him just fine. ]
My darling... nnn...
[ His chest may be soft, but he's having a really good dream, so.. Choso probably feels something under the covers that is definitely not soft. ]
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but here in big warm arms, with that unmistakable hard-on below, Choso finds that he can't quite care as much as he ought to. was it not dream or memory that brought him here to Toji's bed in the first place? the least he could do is... what? help out?
so it is that a careful hand drifts down low, sliding between their bodies beneath the covers to curl gently around Toji's shaft like a caress. ]
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He is, in fact, dreaming of his deceased wife. She haunted his dreams on occasion, and even if he tried to forget her in his wakefulness, he allowed himself to be happy once more in his dreams.
He's not speaking to Choso, but the phrase is clear as day: ]
... I love you, so much.
[ oh so this man is capable of love. It sounds so foreign, these words coming from his voice, but they sound certain as can be. ]
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slowly, he strokes Toji's cock, fingers so gentle in how they curl and slide along hot skin, spreading pre in languid swipes. the words weren't meant for him, but like an unsuspecting thief, Choso cannot help but to grasp these stolen warm words. ]
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Choso should know he's already getting closer to his peak; the way his body reacts on its own nature. He's done this enough at this point to know the signs and what to do to finish him. ]
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but this time, ah, this time Toji isn't present to snap at him, to bark and snarl and bare his predator's teeth. this time, Toji is quiet and peaceful, walking the sunlit path of memory and dream, somewhere far from here. this time, it is only Choso present, playing Toji's body like a fine-tuned instrument.
he knows he ought to feel something about this, but the sound of Toji's pleasure rumbling through his chest, the heft of his cock in Choso's hand, it makes it so easy to put those thoughts aside, if just for now. so he finishes what he started; palm slick with pre, he pumps Toji's cock slow but firm, milking him of his pleasure with practiced motions of his wrist. ]
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Fuck..
[ and then: ]
What the hell are you doing?
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indeed, what the hell are you doing, Choso? ]
Taking care of things.
[ it’s about then that he drags his hand up the length of the shaft, as if coaxing the rest of Toji’s seed out. ]
It seemed to want attention.
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Didn't anyone ever teach you to ask? I didn't say you could do that. That's pretty bold of you.
[ Toji studies him for a moment, and slowly lets him go. He does feel pretty relaxed anyway. ]
You're lucky I don't care. It's fine.
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That’s good. I’m not sure what came over me.
[ he has no name for the hunger that writhes in him, for the ache in his teeth, for the way Toji makes it all rear up terrible and burning each time without fail. he does not know what to call it when he rises up on his knees only to crawl down the length of the bed, glancing over his shoulder as he goes as if looking for any sign of denial, any sign that he ought to stop. ]
But I’m hungry, now. Will you let me eat?
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Your selfish lust did. Learn some restraint.
[ Toji makes a face, mostly cause he can feel all of his cum all over his flaccid cock and undergarments. What a mess. ]
Go ahead. Consume the mess you made, starting with your hand that you can't keep to yourself.
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